Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
