People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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