Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I forget how to act sober
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