We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
