Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
