I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
