We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everything about him screamed your future.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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