I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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