she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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