Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
FUCK WHALES
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
