I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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