so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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