i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The air was thick with penises
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
