at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
