KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
