thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
