Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
