Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
