Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
