I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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