I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
