My sheets look like a crime scene.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize