I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
