she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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