woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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