Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just found puke in my bra..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
