Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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