My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
