got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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