I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
