Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
