tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
