my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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