I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize