haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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