I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
