why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
