I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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