Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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