That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
