at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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