hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
