Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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