Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
