I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
