hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize