I should be sponsored by Trojan
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
