I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
