I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
