The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
