I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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