to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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