Yo dont text me then not text me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
