I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize