awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
