i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
