we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
