Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
