uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
