dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
