Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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