i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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